The Hurt Feelings Report form is a unique tool designed for individuals seeking to document their emotional distress. This form serves as a lighthearted yet pointed way to express grievances, inviting users to articulate their feelings and experiences in a structured manner. While it may seem humorous, the form reflects a broader conversation about emotional well-being and the importance of addressing feelings in a supportive environment.
What is the purpose of the Hurt Feelings Report form?
The form is designed to help individuals document their feelings when they believe they have been hurt by someone else's words or actions. It provides a structured way to express those feelings and seek sympathy from others.
Who can fill out this form?
Anyone who feels their feelings have been hurt can fill out this form. However, it must be physically handed to a Law Enforcement Officer for it to be processed.
What information do I need to provide?
The form requires several details, including:
Is it mandatory to disclose my personal information?
Disclosure is voluntary. However, be aware that if you frequently submit reports, it may lead to your file being labeled in a less than flattering manner.
What happens after I submit the form?
Your report will be reviewed. If you need immediate support, you may be dispatched a "hugger" or an EMS Team, depending on the severity of your situation.
What if I need more support?
If you require additional assistance, you can request a "blankie," a "binky," or even a bottle. The department will make reasonable efforts to provide these items upon written request.
Can I remain anonymous when filling out the form?
What should I do if I have further questions?
If you have any additional questions or need clarification, please reach out to the department directly. They are here to assist you and take your concerns seriously.
Misconceptions about the Hurt Feelings Report form can lead to misunderstandings about its purpose and use. Here are five common misconceptions, along with clarifications to help you better understand this unique document.
Understanding these misconceptions can help individuals feel more comfortable with the Hurt Feelings Report form. It serves as a lighthearted way to address emotional experiences, and everyone deserves to have their feelings acknowledged.
Incomplete Information: Failing to fill out all required fields can lead to delays in processing the report. Ensure that every section, especially personal details, is complete.
Inaccurate Dates: Providing incorrect dates for the incident or when feelings were hurt can create confusion. Double-check the dates before submitting.
Vague Descriptions: Being too general in the narrative section may not convey the seriousness of the situation. Specific examples and details help clarify the incident.
Neglecting Witnesses: Omitting the names of any witnesses, especially those who can provide sympathy, may weaken the report. Include all relevant individuals.
Ignoring Signature Requirements: Not signing the form can render it invalid. Ensure that both the reporter and the whiner sign the document as required.
HURT FEELINGS REPORT
To use this form, it must be physically placed in the hands of any Law Enforcement Officer
DATA REQUIRED BY THE PRIVACY ACT OF 1974
AUTHORITY: PRINCIPAL PURPOSE:
ROUTINE USES:
DISCLOSURE:
S USC 301, Departmental Regulation, 10 USC 3013 and a log of other regulations too To assist whiners in documenting hurt feelings
Whiners should use this form to seek sympathy from someone who cares
Disclosure is voluntary, however, repeated whining may lead to your file being stamped "candy ass" or some other appropriate term
PART I - ADMINISTRATIVE DATA
A. WHINER'S NAME (Last, First, MI)
B. WHINER'S AGE
C. WHINER'S SEX
D. DATE OF REPORT
E. TYPE OF WHINE USED
F. NAME OF THE PERSON FILLING OUT THIS FORM
PART II - INCIDENT REPORT
A. DATE FEELINGS WERE HURT
B. TIME OF HURTFULNESS
C. LOCATION OF HURTFUL COMMENTS
D. WAS ANYONE SYMPATHETIC TO WHINER (Please include paid witnesses)
E. NAME OF PERSON WHO HURT YOUR PANSY ASS FEELINGS
F. HOW LONG DID YOU WHINE
G. WHICH FEELINGS WERE HURT
PART III - INJURY
(Circle all that apply)
1. WHICH EAR WERE THE HURTFULL WORDS SPOKEN INTO?
2. IS THERE PERMANENT FEELING DAMAGE?
LEFT
RIGHT
BOTH
YES
NO
MAYBE
3. DID YOU REQUIRE A "TISSUE" FOR TEARS?
4. HAS THIS RESULTED IN A TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY?
MULTIPLE
PART IV - REASON FOR
FILING THIS REPORT
(Mark all that apply)
I am thin skinned
The Dept needs to fix my problems
Two beers is not enough
I am a wimp
My feelings are easily hurt
My hands should be in my pockets
I have woman / man-like hormones
I didn't sign up for this
I was not offered a tissue
I am a crybaby
I was told that I am not a hero
Someone requested a tissue
I want my mommy
The weather is too cold
All of the above and more
NARRATIVE (Tell us in your own sissy words how your feelings were hurt, as if anyone cared)
PART V - AUTHENTICATION
A. PRINTED REPORTER NAME (if you wish to be labeled too)
B. SIGNATURE (are you sure about this?)
C. PRINTED WHINER NAME (you really are going out on a limb here) D. SIGNATURE OF WHINER (you have got to be shitting me!)
We, as the Dept, take hurt feelings seriously. If you don't have someone who can give you a hug and make things all better, please let us know and we will promptly dispatch a "hugger" to you ASAP. In the event a "hugger cannot be found, an EMS Team will be dispatched to soak your socks in coal oil to prevent ants from crawling up your leg and eating their way up your candy ass. If you are in need of supplemental support, upon written request, we will make every reasonable effort to prvide you with a "blankie", a "binky" and/or a bottle if you so desire.
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